We have these great friends who gave us a ton of day lily bulbs from their farm. They are among my favorite things at our house. I love something about them that is very uncharacteristic of me. I love that they only bloom for a day, and then they are gone. It's an odd to me that i love them so much seeing how I hate change, I am anti-change, change resistant if you will, yet there is something about these lilies that I have always loved. Each day there is the possibility of a surprise new flower. If I grieve the one that passed, I miss the anticipation of the color that is coming the next day. I could vow to not get attached to them after one fades and go inside and shut myself off to all the possibilities of missing another lily, but I would miss all the ruffled glory of the banana looking ones, and the ones that are so purple they are almost black that explode with deep burgundy middles, I would miss the day that the combo color that my kids and I cross pollinated blooms! I could argue that the loss comes every day, but the possibility is there too! I can wake up each day, wondering what color it will be, or I can dread which one will be taken away, the choice is mine. It’s so much easier with day lilies than life. In my life I am all about resisting change. And I am here to tell you that it hasn’t made my life easier; It's only stolen my energy and joy. Trying to hold onto things that are changing is exhausting.
If I try to be unmoved, it won’t work. Only God doesn’t change.
I can rehearse and cling to the past all I want, but I can’t make it the present.
If I choose to focus on what I have lost or what I don’t have, I will miss what I do. I can look at each moment and really stare it down looking for the blessing, or I can miss the moment’s gift because I am preoccupied with what’s past.
There is nothing I can do to lose God’s love. But I can choose how much of it I really experience. I can choose how much light I let into my heart. With that light comes love and discovery and closeness to God, but the light also brings constant change. I can choose this abandon of control and receive all God holds out to me, or I can shut the door and only let light in the windows where it seems safer. So what will it be, open the doors and embrace the light and change and newness or shut them and keep safe in the stuffy air of my own making? Today, I am throwing open the doors and choosing the light. Some days it is scarier than others and some days I only open the door a crack because of my fear. Those days always end with a nagging feeling that I have missed something, even when I don’t know what it is. I am learning the beauty of throwing it open with complete trust and experiencing each day’s “lily” to the fullest. I want to breathe it in deep...each day's gifts.
I want the fullness.
I want the abundance.
I want it on my terms, but that’s not how it comes.
Jesus promised that He came so that our joy may be full. I want to experience that every day, even though it means I have to let go
of anything that hinders my ability to throw open that door to to the light.
Father, I want to live an abundant life and I know that can only be found in you. So many days it's not what I choose. I want to choose it more. I want to let go and experience the gifts that come with change instead of white knuckling all the things you have already given as though you were stealing them from me. Forgive my